Did You Know

Some facts about Chuch Norris that we all should have known already:

(I didn't come up with this stuff, it got passed along to me from Rotten Tomatoes in their forum. Though I am as cool and hilarious as you all say and will take full responsibility for spreading this little known fact sheet about our beloved ranger.)

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse
kicks you in the face.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good
Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who
have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
fist.

14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris.

15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean
to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him
with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox,
which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating
in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

17. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left,
right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

18. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

19. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.

20. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

21. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

22. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.

23. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

24. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.

25. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was
the third girl he had slept with.

26. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

27. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

28. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up
with lactose's shit.

29. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

30. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.


THIS POST WAS SPONSORED BY AK-47